Every single year I hear my fellow college-goers talking about internships and jobs that they're getting over the summer, and grad school this, MCATs that. We're graduating next year! We're graduating this year! Only one semester til we graduate! Oh my God, we graduate tomorrow! All of that banter serves only to remind me about an encroaching, uncertain future, that I'm not yet mentally prepared for. Having been diagnosed with my first illness when I was 10, I never got the chance to finish out my childhood. The harshness of reality turned me into an adult before I even hit puberty. Because of that I do often feel too mature for my age, like I'm a forty-year-old with a really young looking face. But the thing is, I can be really immature for my age too. If I am required to take a class to graduate I'll put it off for as long as I can if I have no interest in it. I frequently space out in classes to daydream about a place more interesting. I cry whenever I get disappointed. I still watch Spongebob. I want to get married in a castle. While I'm mature to the point of being obnoxious 90% of the time, I'm desperately trying to recover my lost years of childhood the other 10% of the time. I thought that I didn't want to talk about the future, or hear about it, or even make plans for it because I can just be a very indifferent, miserable person. But really it's because I know when I graduate college I won't have any more chances to reclaim my childhood. It scares me to death. How can I know how to be an adult when I never truly grew up?
Forever the honest,
Stephanie Lato
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